I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
