Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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