I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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