i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
