Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
