The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
