I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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