Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
