But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
