I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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