I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
