I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
