you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
