My first STD was from a foam party
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
