He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
