my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Girls should come with a carfax report
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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