Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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