i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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