I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
