I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
