almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
