I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
