the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
