dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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