i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
