We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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