I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
