haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
