i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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