no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
