I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
