Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
