If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
