i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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