so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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