His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
