just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
