I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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