you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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