i just had sex bonerless
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
