I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
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