I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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