it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
