Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
