My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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