What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
