peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
