dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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