Got a toothbrush?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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