ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
