Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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